is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
