I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
