I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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