I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
