Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
