I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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