My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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