I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
