I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
