Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
