I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
