She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
