I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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