doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
