Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
