Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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