I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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