People in love make me want to vomit
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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