well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i now understand why vodka
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
