Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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