it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Enjoy the penises
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
