i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
