You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
