remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
