Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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