the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
