what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
