after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
