Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
