the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
