do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
