i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
