I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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