I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
