he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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