Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
