Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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