I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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