I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she woke up with a sticky ear
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
