You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
