An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
