Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
