I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
