I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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