Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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