dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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