I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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