Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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