That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
