omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
