Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
